Last Friday Night by Katy Perry (my current favorite KP song, mostly because of the Glee kids and Hanson being in the video)
Last night was a menagerie of hot messes. Well, mostly just one and sort of another. Everything started out fine. I made dinner, we had yummy Abita beer, and the I killed *Him at Jeopardy. Typical night at my house. Then my phone lights up. Oh boy! It was **Lover! But Lover had bad news. No blonde booty for sunshine this weekend. He has to stay in town for a few more days. Blah. Why have I taken a lover that lives 8 hours away? and in a house full of people I know? :( It's ok though, I really need a few days notice from him to perfect a good cover story and stretch. I couldn't walk straight for 3 days last time we "played", thanks to him. Every muscle I had was sore! I'm getting old, I guess. So, while we were sending a few more half hearted sexts (it's hard to get into it when you know you won't be getting it any time soon) when up pops the name I dread to see. ***Biker Boy. Like always I am weak, so I responded. We had some meaningless chit chat, I took a few hits at how shitty he used to be, etc etc etc. Basically, it all boils down to what it always does, He wants to see me. SHOCKER! But, "we'll have to be discreet because of my gf". Uh, say what? I have a motherfucking husband and you're concerned about your girlfriend?? AND SINCE WE DO YOU HAVE GIRLFRIENDS??? Cue the Twilight Zone music now, please! It was just too tempting, I couldn't not react. So I lol'ed and ask him when did he get so weak and pussy whipped! He decides to drop the second bomb on me in retaliation. "I want you to come ride my new motorcycle with me" Uh, say what?? Motorcycle better be the new slang for dick because there's no way in hell I'm ever getting on the back of another motorcycle with you again! I was the Head Bitch that took care of your broken ass the last time you had a motorcycle and wrecked the motherfucker!!! Are you really that stupid?? Plain and simple. Yes. Yes, you are that damn stupid. Convo over bastard. You may have a death wish, but I sir, do not. Nor do I want to help you crush another woman you've promised to be true to.
While all this was being flung through the airwaves, my husband and I managed to have a fight over something. I'm not totally sure what it was but something about him being asleep at 10:30 without telling me (I was seriously sitting in the living room FOREVER waiting on him to come back from the bathroom) pissed me off. (I blame it on the a a a a a alcohol.) So I stormed into the other bedroom to sleep, which actually I take every chance I can to sleep in there because I hate sharing a bed! But I didn't sleep good last night. I had weird dreams, my legs kept cramping and the damn cat wouldn't stop licking the blinds. It was awful. When I was asleep, I was having bizarre dreams and would wake up thinking there was a creeper in my house. At 3:30 am I almost went back to the bedroom but since I'm still not sure who was at fault in the fight I stuck it out, half scared to death, praying that the zombies would take the cats first. When He didn't come in and tell me goodbye this morning I knew he was still mad. So I did the one thing any woman would do to prevent herself from spending the 3 day weekend with a bitchy husband. Want to take a guess what that thing was? And hell no, I didn't apologize. (NEVER GIVE IN!) I sent him one of the naughty pics I took for Lover. All is forgotten now. That's how you play the game, ladies! :)
Have a fabulous weekend!
Love and nudie pics,
*Him = Husband
**Don't you remember we already talked about him in a previous post??
***This is the one I don't want to talk about, so I'm only giving you a little taste.