Friday, September 2, 2011

Dirty Little Secret

I ♥ Justin Bieber.

Seriously, ya'll. I'm crazy about this little hottie! Although, prior to the theater release of Never Say Never, I had very little knowledge about JB. My precious friend begged me to come *pre-game and go see it with her. Alcohol and a movie? I'm in! Little did I know, she's a (secret) hardcore Belieber and this crazy bitch bought us 3D tickets to the Director's Cut. First of all, I don't like 3D movies. My eyes must not work right or something but the screen always looks blurry. Second, this "movie" is at least 2 hours long. What have I gotten into? Like a trooper, I took my set of 3D knock-off Wayfarers and started mentally preparing for the worst. WRONG! That shit was awesome! About 5 minutes in I realized I knew a lot more JB songs than I thought. This kid is a freaking genius! Catchy songs, a signature color that ALL girls love, the flippy hair (in the movie it's still long), he dances, and he plays the drums (among other things).

Frankly, I was having a wonderful experience. We were totally reliving the days we spent obsessed with Hanson and NSYNC. I'll even admit to tearing up a little bit when they interviewed little girls who were so excited about the Biebs that they were hysterical. I was that pre-teen girl. I screamed and cried at concerts just sure Zac Hanson or JT would notice me and fall madly in love with me. I pity people who never loved a teen idol like my girlfriends and I did. There were two girls that had to be 10ish standing up dancing to every song, knowing all the moves. I wanted to go tell them to love every minute of it, because it will be one of your favorite times in your life when you get old like us.

But then something else happened. Justin performed, "One Less Lonely Girl". For those of you who don't know, before this song comes on Justin's mom and lady manager go out into the audience and pick a lucky girl (and she's always a hottie). The lucky lady then is taken backstage and gets trotted out as the song starts where someone plops her onto a stool in front of thousands of other fans and Justin serenades her. He doesn't just sing to her though, oh no!, he gives her a dozen roses and caresses all over her while she is having a panic attack. He then proceeds to bring his face so close to her lips that I'm positive it counts as a first kiss. This little dude has got skills! How many girls has he made wet their panties on that stool?? How can I get on that damn stool??? Or better yet, bent over that stool? (Do kids still go all the way These days? I'd be happy to teach him a thing or two. Although, I think if I straddled him I might not be able to take his little bird chest seriously.) Needless to say, I fell in love after that. Let me know you have a freaky side and I'll be yours forever!


Love and purple hoodies,

P.S. Justin-
If the snake that accompanied you to the VMA's is named Johnson then is your Johnson named Snake? :)

*pre-gaming means to get drunk before you go get drunk (a good way to save money at the bar) or to get drunk before you go do something where drinking isn't allowed but you know it would be more fun wasted. (like church and movies)

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