Missed me much?? I sure have missed you! I'm sure you've all been wondering just what the hell I've been up to in my extended absence. Well, I needed a little break to get my head back on straight, to really see the error of my slutty ways and make amends & resolutions for the new year.
I'm sure none of y'all bought that line anyway. There's no such thing as a reformed bad girl. Just girls who lost their spark. When it comes to me, the wise lyrics of a Sunday School song say it best, "This little light of mine, I'm gonna let it shine!" My light is probably red instead of white but pish posh, that's just a technicality.
So why the break, you ask? I'm just going to blame my co-worker for coming back from surgery and being extra pathetic and worthless, the block on my website at work, and the holidays & all the freaking family obligations that come with them. Seriously, family is tedious. Orphans have it made. I swear, if I ever meet an orphan that gets to choose exactly how their holidays get spent and STILL complains about no family, I will slap them until their hair falls out. Then invite them to my house for Christmas and see if their minds don't change in a hot second. This Christmas wasn't particularly bad in comparison to ones in the past. However, my mother cried and made the whole day about her, which is fairly typical, she did the same at my wedding. "My baby won't be here Christmas Eve for the first time in her life!" Wah wah wah. Grow up. I got married. We wanted to spend our first married Christmas Eve in our home. I just really can't be concerned with such ridiculousness. The point of the story is this: I'M BACK! Yep, you couldn't get rid of me with a wooden stake and garlic. You've missed some very entertaining stories AND I have a new muse. You lucky bitches aren't only getting my stories of sexual mishaps this year but my crazy ass friend's too. So buckle up and get ready for more awkwardness than you could've ever imagined!
Love and New Ideas,