Wednesday, January 18, 2012

Killing Me Softly

Required Listening:
Goodbye Horses- Q. Lazzarus

While I was M.I.A. (not the cute British/Sri Lanken rap girl, although that would've been quite the trip) Lover never ceased to entertain me with his non-stop libido. Bless his heart, he really is the poster child for broken families and disgruntled youth. He always means well, but there never fails to be that one comment that's a little off somehow. We still mostly have to "sext" since the distance between us is so far, but there's still plenty of excitement to be had. We've definitely upped our game up and I will gladly tell you about that later, but for now here's what went down.

Dirtiness was unfolding, pictures had been sent and received, we were both extra creative with our explicit dialogue that night. Basically, a lot of "I can't wait to ____ you while I ____ ____ ____ and then I'm going to ____ your _____." Insert an assortment of colorful nouns and verbs and the scene is set.

UNTIL he says, " I want to rub you down with lotion before we fuck". Then he went right onto a new comment like it was never said. Hello weird! Um, why do you want to do that? Sensual massages with fragrant oils are always welcome, even washing me in the shower is ok, but lotion me down? What's he trying to tell me? Do I have dry skin so bad that he's got to soften it before he can tap it?? As far as I can tell I'm as soft and smooth as a girl can be and I've certainly never had any complaints! Holy shit, is he trying to make a Sunshine skin coat??? "It lotions the skin or else it gets the hose again!" Is this in my future? I can't think of a better reason to break out the Jergens and do work. At this point, I'm thoroughly whipping myself into a panic. "Has Lover completely lost his marbles, have I lost MY marbles?" So I polled the audience and they unanimously agreed that shit was weird. Oy vey.

Guess I'll have to watch my ass, literally, next time we play!

Love and Lambs,

P.S. If any of you freak nasties knew off hand what movie the required listening was from BEFORE you read my post with broad hints in it, then you are too weird for me because I had to Google that shit.

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