Thursday, November 3, 2011

A funny thing happened today...

No really, a hysterically funny thing happened today. As usual, I was slacking off at work and decided to check my blog roll for new posts from my favorite bloggers. I do this no less than ten times a day. So I type my blog address into the address bar thingy (I'm sure this has a real name, I can't be bothered to care.) And low and behold this happens:

Forgive the poor quality. You know I work for Adolph so I had to be quick.

Are you effing kidding me, bitches?? This blog has been scandalous from the get go! Now you want to censor me?? Holy hell! My first reaction was to be embarrassed and hurt. This blog is my baby. It's my outlet for all the things on my mind that I can't exactly talk about with just everyone and it got scolded. I really almost cried. It's hard to blog at home thanks to the husband and work is when I bang out some of my best posts. Here I am sick on the start of my birthweek celebration and my fucking blog gets snubbed by some stodgy old web filter! (I should've known I was REALLY sick when I almost cried. I only get emotional when I'm ill and I did finally go home early.) So, I'm upset, my heart is racing, I can't even text fast enough to get across to my friends the distress I'm in and it hits me. This shit is funny. No, it's down right hysterical. I just got labeled a smut writer by a web filter. Excuse me, a pornographic writer. HAHAHAHA! My life has offended my work internet. There's not even any pictures! (Trust me, I could fill this thing up with dick shots if I wanted but I was trying to keep it classy!) Let me tell you ladies, I feel like I just burned my bra or something. I'm officially inappropriate and I LOVE IT! In the wise wise words of Mae West, "Good girls go to Heaven, bad girls go everywhere." And I intend on going everywhere. This may be the cough syrup talking but I feel so empowered by this tiny little thing that I have to have more! I won't stop until people are burning my books one day! I want my name on a banned book list! I want to be so fabulous and full of life that it makes people uncomfortable because they are so jealous! I'm power hungry now! So thanks for fueling my fire, now excuse me while I burn this mother down!

Watch yourself. Game on. 

Love and gasoline,

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