Sex, Lies and ???

I've created a monster.

You've all heard about ShyGuy. He's a sweet precious little sex toy that I do so love to play with. He's not super experienced like Lover but pretty well endowed and attentive to my physical needs. I went to visit him a few weeks ago and we had a fabulous time. Nothing out of the ordinary. I made the bet with myself that I could get him to send me a nudie pic and he finally did. It was a horribly planned out picture but hey, it was a step in the right direction. I wanted to make him a little kinkier and I succeeded.

This past weekend I exchanged a few dirty texts with him. Pretty typical filth about what we want to do to each other. No biggie. I sent a few pics, he actually sent a good dick pic. (Good angle, fully engorged) I'm beside myself at this point thinking about how uninhibited I've gotten him to be and what a crazy, hair pulling, ass slapping sexy time we will have next time we see each other. Then the unthinkable happened. This motherfucker jumped head first into the dirty deep end. (Have I mentioned I can't swim??)

He asked me to send him a video.

I was at a loss for words and that is just not something that happens to me. Ten thousand questions went through my head. A video? A video of what? Me undressing? Ok, that might could be doable. But how will I work the camera and look sexy while shimmying my hot buns in a seductive way? I don't even own a video camera for Pete's sake! Can this feat be accomplished with my iPhone? How do even I respond to such a request? So I play coy and say "a video of what? :)" Not my most clever response but hell! It was 11pm, I've been taking care of my post-op husband who was spitting blood all over me, cut me some slack!
I'm mildly ashamed to even share what he said back to me. He honestly said to me:

"A video of you pleasing yourself using a tool or your fingers"


Uh, say what? A tool? Just when I thought he was done being awkward and not good at sexual things he not only goes too far, but does it in such a matter of fact way. A tool??? I was stunned. Then I laughed and laughed and laughed some more. I'm a country girl at heart. You say tool and I think hammer, screwdriver (no pun intended), monkey wrench etc. I'm getting all kinds of terrible visuals at this point. I'm sure his retarded, inexperienced ass meant a dildo but what straight girl has a dildo?? Real dicks are so cheap! Only lesbians have dildos! I will never need to wear a strap on, therefore I have no need for a big rubber Bieber! Vibrator yes, dildo no. And did this fool really say this to me?? Like really really?? Holy shit! Can't you just see me trying to masturbate with a "tool" in one hand and my iPhone in the other?? Well I can't.

I had no choice but to respond to him in the only way any self respecting girl can in this situation.

"I won't send you a video. But next time I come see you we can make one together :)"

I'm still dirty, I'm just not a freak!



Love and dirty deeds,
Sunshine